Mic.

Reason #65 Lee must be killed: For the past week, Lee has been trying to noisly hack up his left lung in five minute intervals. The resulting sound is not unlike a chainsaw ripping through sixty pounds of wet hamburger. I swear, I can FEEL the germs crawling up the cubical wall, across my desk, and into my precious, vulnerable bodily fluids. I fear that if I don't act soon, I'm going to catch whatever horrible wasting disease he has. If I'm lucky, it'll kill him before he comes into work tomorrow.

Good news, though. Dad is not going to Iraq. My Aunt Ivonne is, however. Again. Out of the past six years, Aunt Ivonne has spent four of them overseas. Stupid war.